Conflict Resolution and me

I was sorry that I was different. He said he loved me, but he didn't know how. Maybe he tried his best. He demanded I fight his demons for him because he failed. I tricked myself into believing they were my demons. He left and I didn't say anything. I felt like I was kind. No one bought it. The ground beneath my feet began to shift violently. Doubt began to seep. I stopped believing I was smart. The days became long. I took every relationship that had shown me unconditional love and smashed it into pieces. There was a relief though, there was nothing left to screw up. I was finally alone. I let myself cry. I stopped struggling. Everything turned very still. I thought I'd die, but my heart kept beating. It didn't care about what I thought. My heart stopped apologizing. It became quiet. I was still breathing. If I fell, I knew that I could get up. It was hard at first. I stopped fretting and started exploring. I practiced falling. I was always stuck at a question; You ca

There are infinite ways I can miss you, maybe the list is short but my reason is huge. Or maybe I've got a trillion lists of tiny reasons but both are the same dull ache. Perhaps I do have both. My little list no longer makes sense, just like it simply no longer exists. My longer list is not meaningless, it's all about him. I miss those things that he used to say. I miss the songs that he would play in his car. I miss the way he was excited about meeting me even after we met just a few days back. I miss how he loved me every time he looked at me. I miss his geekiness about movies and shows. He was a lost cause, but I miss him. I loved the way he chased passion. I miss the way he loved adventure and made our days a ride of a roller coaster.  Mostly, though, I miss things that haven't happened yet. You can't actually miss them because you never knew your life with them in it, but you can't help but think about how great it would have been. I miss things like this on b

"This friendship and love are too fictional, People just keep trying to make them real. It doesn't work." The idea of love is drilled into our minds, through every fictional movie and tv shows we watch, through every romantic novel we read, through every picture made to look like love. I did not develop love correctly, perhaps, everything felt tough, bleak, dramatic, volatile and bad. And every stable relationship of commitment and stability around me made me uneasy. Generally, I believe the need to feel affection, chills and thrill of a relationship is valid and a winnable need, What's tragic is that it's often dismissed. If you've never been in love or in a relationship, I'd hate to be the one breaking it to you but MAGIC FADES. It's a matter of time. But that's where you discover what's real and what's not. No matter how good or bad it'll be for you, with time you'll realize your partner will be a mix of qualities a

 Too Much Trouble - Ruskin bond A book review ( with an interpretation )   This book is a perfect children's book, it is funny, it has morals that lighten up your heart. Throughout the book, I was constantly smiling because it reminded me how I loved such stories during my childhood. But being a 19-year-old I have a very different interpretation of this book:  "We eventually start adjusting to circumstances" In the book, the young narrator and his family start adjusting with some troublesome guests- Elusive python, A naughty monkey, And even a mischievous ghost. It is funny how a children's book can answer your problems when no one can, over-thinker by nature, I'm always tempted to look back into my past and be bothered by it. Now, my interpretation is that we all have something in the past that keeps bothering us in our present- the lost battles, the heartbreaks, failures, regrets etc.. The small ones are the animals while the bigger on