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Life only moves forward

I was sorry that I was different. He said he loved me, but he didn't know how. Maybe he tried his best. He demanded I fight his demons for him because he failed. I tricked myself into believing they were my demons.


He left and I didn't say anything. I felt like I was kind. No one bought it. The ground beneath my feet began to shift violently. Doubt began to seep. I stopped believing I was smart. The days became long. I took every relationship that had shown me unconditional love and smashed it into pieces.



There was a relief though, there was nothing left to screw up. I was finally alone. I let myself cry. I stopped struggling. Everything turned very still.


I thought I'd die, but my heart kept beating. It didn't care about what I thought.
My heart stopped apologizing. It became quiet. I was still breathing.
If I fell, I knew that I could get up. It was hard at first. I stopped fretting and started exploring. I practiced falling.


I was always stuck at a question;
You can put a balm on your wounds for temporary respite, but does that really make the pain go away?
It’s true that I have gone to hell and back several times in this lifetime, but I realized I don’t have to carry the pain into the future if I don’t want to. I acknowledge the lessons that made me who I am today. And with that, I move forward in life.
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